In the last two years, there is nothing like that pause I’ve experienced between asking a guy out and their answer. But what makes that pause horrible is when as soon as the words come out of my mouth or that text has been sent, I can feel the rejection coming like a train emerging through a tunnel to the platform. A series of emotions and thoughts rush to me as the pause says everything. It says you felt the feelings, weighed the situation and took the risk but now, right now, you’re about to feel a pang that makes you want to take it all back. He is about to reject you and you need to maintain some self-dignity and act like it’s no big deal.
I decided to revisit the eight guys I’ve had a crush on throughout my last two years of college and asked out in one or another to see where I basically went wrong. If I have their number, I texted them warning them I would be asking them something for my blog via Facebook and for the others, (which meant I probably wasn’t even Facebook friends with) I sent them a Facebook message out of the blue. I gave them all the same tee up first paragraph explaining what I’m doing and then they all had a unique question or two. Here’s what I experienced.
The First One I Asked Out in College
The first guy I asked out on a date was a classmate of a friend. There is something really exciting about the first one you ask out in retrospect. You’re hopeful, excited and unaware haha.
We had exchanged numbers somehow and I ended up calling him to ask him out. He didn’t answer but called me back. That’s when I asked him out to dinner and he said no but he “could always use more friends.” I was still pretty naïve and didn’t realize how big of a cliché let down it was at the time.
We are actually friends through other friends now and have hung out on our own. Granted it was like a year and a half later. I always felt awkward around him when I did run into him – I didn’t want him to ever think I was pushing more for than friends again, so I always let him say hi first.
His answer to my question of basically why he said no remains unanswered but I think he is still doing volunteer work in South America this summer. All the good gays are taken or not interested 😉
“You don’t hug?”
A very cute smile and cheery personality made him stand out. He attended this event my friend put on where gays and straights has a chance to ask and answer questions about being gay, stereotypes, attitudes and more from both perspectives. I met him before it started and upon leaving, I shook his hand as a way of saying nice meeting you and he quizzically looked at me and asked me, “You don’t hug?” I happily told him I do and we hugged. I hung out with him and his friends a few times and tried to push him on more date like but group get togethers but it didn’t work. Part of me thinks he may have taken me as a freshman just looking to make friends but I wasn’t. I grew disinterested but nevertheless, this is when I started to learn that a Latin/Hispanic descent is a plus in my book. . .
My question to him remains unanswered, but keep following, because the experiences and answers I do get will be well worth it!
What if? – PR Boy
Spring of my freshman year with my newly out gay swag, “I developed a crush on a boy from Miami in my (Introduction to) public relations class. I had intentions of asking him out but the couple of times I planned to after class, he wasn’t there or the timing to get to him didn’t work out. When the semester came to a close I wished I would have just done it and not cared about who may have been around or rejection.” – Taken from my blog post “I Snooze, I Lose”
I ran into him the following fall when out dancing one night and after two consecutive times of asking him to dance and him saying, “What?!” upon the third time I learned he had a boyfriend.
PR Boy, as I nicknamed him freshman year, is probably my biggest infatuation of my crushes. I didn’t really know him, so I’m saving the biggest crush title for another one of the fellas in part two. I liked the air and energy that radiated from him, especially when I did get the chance to talk to him and the Miami accent on him specifically. Plus he seemed ambitious, another plus. He was my ‘what if?’
He ended up telling me, “Yes, I could tell you liked me when we were in PR and in the following fall. You probably wouldn’t have had the chance to date me. Although I admire people who are courageous and we could’ve been friends. I sincerely mean that.”
Also, he told me he just interviewed at Zimmerman and mentioned me throwing in a “good word” and we could be “work buddies.” This is a slight friend turn off for me. People I’m not close with consistently ask me to help them with an in at Zimmerman. I’ve only recommended two people to be hired and they are best friends with work ethics I’m really familiar with and they didn’t ask for them. But from what I saw in Intro to PR when I liked him, he could be good. Who knows.
PR Boy gave me some perspective, but I didn’t expect the answers to come from some of my other past crushes.
This is part 1 of Crushes Past. Coming Tuesday, July 31 is “Crushes Past Pt. 2: Stood Up, Hook Up and Vulnerable”
I hope you enjoyed this post! Feel free to comment or follow me on Twitter @JarrydK.