This summer, I’ve been capturing random moments on Kodak cameras. I recently picked up my latest prints and saw one photo I forgot about… Me after being stood up on a first date.
I was transported back to the beginning of summer and how excited I was to be able to walk around in shorts and a short sleeve shirt. While I hate sweating, I wanted to lean into the weather, so my date and I landed on going to the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. It was an easy pick because he has a membership, and I haven’t been since 2017.
On the day of the date, I had this gut feeling that something was off. We had confirmed the date and time, but I had this unexplainable sneaking suspicion that he wasn’t going to show up. I still got ready, even consulting two long-distance friends about if I should tuck or untuck my shirt. I went with untucked so that my outfit wouldn’t evoke “Mouseketeer,” as one friend called out.
Always determined to be on time, I hopped into an Uber and even made it there a few minutes early. As I stood under a tree in front of the ticket office, I watched second after second tick by — similar to Drew Barrymore at the end of “Never Been Kissed.” 10 minutes past the hour, I was confident that he stood me up.
Annoyed and humbled, I could either go home, or I could go on a walk through the Garden by myself. Even though the moment was soured, I had been looking forward to coming here and didn’t want to be crushed by him not showing up. I was going to lean in and have a date with myself.
I walked up to the ticket office, bought a ticket for one person, grabbed an iced matcha latte, and started navigating the Garden map.
At first, I was frustrated to be stood up and sweating under the bright sun. However, with each step along the Garden path, I started to release my frustration. I asked myself, “What can you celebrate?” Well, for one, my gut was right. I still don’t know how I knew he would ghost me on the date, but my instincts were on point.
“What else? Cause you didn’t want to be right about that.” I lived by my values. I would much rather show up and be disappointed than to be the person disrespecting someone else. Ideally, no one is left hanging, but at least I kept my positive dating karma.
I kept going in the park and thought, “Ok. What else is good about this moment?” The Garden was beautiful and reminded me how much I had flourished over the past few years. I am now a different person, a better person, than when I last visited. I’m single yet happy, grounded in my career, healed in many ways from therapy and introspection, transformed by a pandemic, and more trusting in myself than ever.
And as I continued to go through the Garden, I found the beauty in being alone. I literally stopped, smelled the roses, and took pictures of the ones that caught my attention — something I would have never done before. Often guilty of focusing on my original expectations for a situation, I embraced the moment for what it was.
And as I walked past a wide-open field of trees covering groups of friends and duos of lovers, I wanted to remember this time of me unabashedly hanging out with myself. I asked a stranger to snap a picture on my Kodak camera and kept walking along the paths. Once the heat became too much, I left and grabbed tacos at a spot I used to go to a few years ago after work.
Dates won’t always begin or end how I want them to. However, I can always find moments to savor if I pick date ideas I will be happy to go on regardless of who is with me — and if I remain open to what happens when things don’t go according to plan.
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Jarryd Boyd, Clarity + Communication Coach 