We all imagine the person we will be with someday. We begin with one perspective on what we want and need in someone else whom we decide to share the rest of our life with. They will have these attributes but they won’t have these habits. They will be this tall but have these features. However, as we go from one failed love or crush to another, those perspectives change. We realize that a certain trait can actually not be as endearing as we thought or that a certain look doesn’t matter but instead the connection that we feel with someone.
I am lucky enough to been in love and for it not to work out because I learned “what is love and what love isn’t.” My heart broke but I learned so much about myself and that I didn’t need someone extremely similar to me. I learned I needed to see passion and drive within someone but they aren’t required in the ways I show them. Past relationships are past relationships for a reason so we shouldn’t let that block future opportunities. Being with someone includes a certain amount of risk and doing half the work with the other person, but the chance at happiness is worth these commitments.
We commonly get in the way of our own potential happiness with someone. We are critical of first impressions and observations when it is the connection that really count. Recently, after being attracted to this guy because of many similarities, I found that living in the moment getting to know him outweighed certain small habits I’m judgemental to notice in other guys. I didn’t notice these habits until later but they didn’t matter as much then. We should live in the moment while getting to know others instead of judging them immediately when a future might not exist. At the very least we could have a truly interesting conversation with someone but if lucky, we could date them. We can’t let our insecurities and judgmental mind get in the way of our happiness. Once we miss an opportunity then there is no worse feeling than regret, even though we shouldn’t hold regrets.
Stopping ourselves when our mind is looking too much into something too early is very freeing. It allows us to experience fun times and enjoyment of the company we are with. There is an eventual time to sit down and assess the situations we are in, yet, when at the beginning of a new chapter (new root) in our life, if it isn’t harmful, start on the chapter. We could find ourselves happy with someone we originally didn’t think so.