This past weekend I realized some inner truths through conversations with friends and being honest with myself. I basically “got real” and so did some of my friends. Often we end up lying to ourselves or not disclosing the truth to someone else, when we should. We need to get real about our feelings and thoughts.
Sunday I had an “aha” moment and realized I was very judgmental lately. According to the Myers-Briggs 16 personalities test I am an ENFJ personality so being judgmental is not surprising. However, I had not realized the extent I was at. A friend was talking to me about her weekend and I felt myself judging her! I realized how much I did this the past few days! I stopped myself and had the inner thought of, “What is wrong with you?” I realized in a few seconds as I texted her, lately my mind went back to this mental state where I am being protective of myself by judging others. It comes from a fear of not wanting to be hurt by others and wanting to keep people away, especially new people. When I am being protective of myself, I get judgmental of everything. I didn’t know why this happened! Later I talked to my friend and co-mentee from FPRA Alexa in the library about my dating life. As we talked she realized that I was led on so much this semester when I didn’t think about it that way. I have been given a lot of mixed signals. When I joined this with how I am anxious to hold onto friendships this year with being so busy, I now know that I went back to this protective place to control future situations. I judge and keep people away so they don’t push me away first.
My question for you is, “What truth are you not telling yourself?” Get real with yourself.
Last week was National Coming Out Week on our campus. PRIDE hosts a Speak Up, Speak Out event every year where lgbtq tell their coming out stories or just listen to others tell theirs. The stories shock, amuse, and sadden you. Each person would talk about being let down with dating when first discovering their sexuality, first loves, disapproving parents that made them cry, their confusion or their clarity, bullying, and more. Everyone was real with their feelings and what they went through. In the end I really did feel the PRIDE community! I felt connected to these people I didn’t know so well but they were genuine and open with me. We were real with each other! What magnificence comes out of being honest with others!
My friend is in a relationship and having a few problems and asked for a blog post covering it somehow so this next part is especially for her. Being “real” with others is a two-way street. If you and the person you are dealing with aren’t being open, then you are just left feeling vulnerable with no reward. As Oprah says, “We all want to know: Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say matter to you?” Open and attentive conversations build better relationships, even if it is only with yourself. When having problems, express your concerns. If you are the one who usually plans out a date, tell your significant other you want them to take initiative. If you are the significant other who always goes along with the plan, surprise them and take some of the burden off the relationship for the other person. Whatever the problem is, you won’t fix it until you have a “real talk” about it.
As I go about each day, I want to start seeing how I can be more open and real with myself. What have I been hiding deep down in my mind and lying to myself about? What am I not being open to others about? How do I need to get real?
I hope you have enjoyed this post! Feel free to comment, follow/tweet me on Twitter @JarrydK, or ask me questions anonymously at http://formspring.com/jarrydboyd.