My admission to myself is that I feel constantly lost in this college world. Right now it’s almost 1 a.m. and I sit outside in the cold listening to Adele. I wonder what I am really doing with my life and I have so many fears. I fear getting hurt by guys. I miss having an amazing best friend by my side. I worry that one day I will have a great career, but be alone and maybe discover I am not following my passion. . . but what is my exact passion?
I put up emotional walls from rejection. I fear getting hurt by those around me and discovering we aren’t as close as I think. I try to hold on extremely tight to my power from getting hurt once I think it will happen with someone. But at the same time I keep putting myself out there. Also, the possibility that I won’t love what my career in 25 years scares me.
One of my biggest insecurities is that people don’t really like me for me. That I am this nice personality and smiling face, when there is so many more layers to me. That there is the guy that likes to have fun like the rest. That has his fears at the end of the day. I feel that many people think they know me, when they really don’t understand me.
This is my admission to myself that I amy own worst obstacle sometimes, but I have to break down the walls I put up. I have to be brave and move forward. I have to “keep moving ahead, recognizing that no matter what [comes forward]…all will be well.”
I hope you have enjoyed this post! Feel free to comment, follow/tweet me on Twitter @JarrydK, or ask me questions anonymously at http://formspring.com/jarrydboyd.