Everyone has a love language. There is Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. I didn’t know this existed until I was sitting in a Boston hotel lobby a couple of weeks ago with a friend. Ironically, when back in Tallahassee one night with nothing to do, because a friend cancelled on me. . . I discovered my love language is quality of time.
Quality time. These three words explain every amazing friendship I have or the core of my issues with someone. Why one of my best friends and I were each other’s rocks freshman year of college from miles away. Why my father and I constantly have issues. Why I am sometimes my worst enemy with dating.
One of my close friends, Kathleen, and I can hang out every single afternoon when I’m home in Pensacola, and I never tire of her. We can explore the same topics, and I’m still fascinated. Give me a time and place to hang out with you, I will be there. Frozen yogurt, dinner, a coffee shop, as you grocery shop, or simply a clean floor in a room — I’m happy to talk with you. Sometimes I’m not the most open person I realize (you may not until months into our friendship), but I’m entertaining, insightful and fun.
Talking with others is quality time for me. In person is better, but distance can be an issue as we get older. I love getting to know other’s facial expressions and knowing the meaning behind their distinct tones. The tone my friend Danielle uses when she says, “Why” can make all the difference. But when the core of my relationships comes from quality time, it’s hard not to be upset when someone cancels, postpones or doesn’t make plans with me.
Life gets in the way sometimes. I understand that. I appreciate honesty. Sometimes we just need alone time. We just need to sit in our bed alone in the dark and catch up on this week’s drama on Revenge or laugh at what Gloria said on Modern Family. Tell me and I’ll think, “Good for you!” However, once you make plans with me, I write you into my mental schedule with a big, brand-new, neon colored sharpie that can’t be easily taken away if plans are cancelled. Additionally, if I keep taking that sharpie out to put you into my schedule and you don’t make plans with me, I start to distance myself. Sorry, it’s my childhood incepted defense mechanism.
To the latest person who cancelled on me: I made chocolate chip cookies for us, and they are delicious! People love my baked goods! You should feel ashamed of yourself for getting my hopes up!
You never know what surprises and amazing opportunities you will miss out on by not hanging out with me! One time I bought a friend strawberry champagne cupcakes from the best bakery in town after her boyfriend broke up with her. She never got them or knew about them for obvious reasons.
One person’s loss of quality time is another’s delicious gain. . .
Maybe I’m too available . . . is that the same as loving too much?
I hope you enjoyed this post! Feel free to comment, follow/tweet me on Twitter @JarrydK, or ask me questions anonymously at http://formspring.com/jarrydboyd.