Sometimes I’m lonely. I think how nice it would be to have a guy to cuddle with. But at what cost? A guy we can just sit together and talk about random, small moments of our day. It could lead to more. “I’m Jarryd and I’m a virgin.” “Hi, Jarryd!” “I’ve just started to be comfortable in my skin in the past year, but that’s not the reason I’m a virgin.”
One Saturday I hung out with friends. This included a guy I was just starting to get to know. After being with them all day, he insisted we go to gay night at a bar to meet cute, gay guys. I never have the main goal of meeting a cute guy when I go out. On his thirtieth request for me to join him, he pauses and asks, “Well. . . what if I can get you laid?” Me: shock goes through my mind and I say, “I don’t have sex with guys.” Him: “Ohh, good for you! You have good morals. . . Well what if I can get you laid in other ways?” Someone please tell me what that truly means. I didn’t ask. I told him I wasn’t interested.
I heard the slight shock in his voice about me being a virgin. It’s not about my morals. Sex and talking about sex is healthy. When one of my friends returns home from college with her boyfriend I ask her, “So have you been able to have sexy time?” It’s about my self-respect. I won’t be able to engage in that sexual intercourse unless I feel an emotional connection. I want to be in a relationship. I want the guy to respect me, to not worry about what I may get from him and to know I am more than just my body. I am my personality, my heart, my thoughts and my body is a part of that package. Not the total sum. I’m precious. We’re all precious. We never get that first experience back. Above all, I want to emotionally trust him.
Does being an adult or not closeted mean I shouldn’t be a virgin in some people’s minds? Or loving to listen to Rihanna’s “Talk That Talk” album?
“Are you a top or bottom,” he asked me. A guy I knew from Pensacola was talking to me about being closeted. I was telling him how liberating it is to come out of the closet. He jumped to this though. I could tell the tone he asked wasn’t platonic. A line was crossed. Talking about being gay and questions about my experience is always okay with me. But that won’t make me like you.
The way to catch my eye is being you. Be interested in who I am as a person. Playful banter is an advantage. And I’m always willing to get to know anyone interested in getting to know me.
I have no holdup of a five-date or three-month rule. It’ll just be with a guy when it’s right.
Gays have the negative connotation of being sluts – they love sleeping around with any guy anywhere. That’s not a good amount of us. That’s not me.
I’m a virgin. I’m a guy experiencing the ups and downs of life. One day I’ll meet a good guy to share the day-to-day details with and even my body. Who really says, “I wish I would have hooked up with more guys in college.”
Plus, let’s admit it. The first time is uncomfortable, and no one looks forward to that. But for the right guy. . .
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I hope you enjoyed this post! Feel free to comment, follow/tweet me on Twitter @JarrydK, or ask me questions anonymously at http://formspring.com/jarrydboyd.
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Jarryd Boyd, Life + Relationships Coach 