Early on in college my friend diagnosed me with fairy tale syndrome. Sure she was right. I had high expectations and believed when a guy came along, it’d be a great story. He might be in one of my classes and one of us asked the other out on an actual date. It’d be an intimate feeling restaurant where the conversation flowed easily and maybe a movie after. That shy feeling that arises when I’m around a guy I like would simply dissolve and he’d easily make me feel comforted. He would seem great on paper with his ambition, dreams and involvement and cute. I could fantasize about our life post the first date. We’d be a college power couple turned real world power couple with two kids and two successful careers and probably a summer home. Fairy tale syndrome.
Think about every classic Disney movie involving a princess. Her life is incomplete somehow. She needs rescuing or help, and it radiates from her. Whether it’s the evil stepmother, sisters, with or a tower, it’s obvious. Suddenly, a prince comes into her life and she is whole. We think someone is waiting for us, and they will be perfect.
Last school year while eating wings with a friend, we talked about the guy I liked. He cancelled plans with me, but we were supposed to reschedule. I was weighing the pros and cons of this guy down the line, when suddenly I told her, I can’t plan a future if we can’t even figure out Friday night. I needed to stop that. Friday night never came with this guy. In two years, never have romantic evenings come to fruition. However, as my Crushes Past posts show, I’ve been handed many lessons on timing and being rejected.
After coming out as a gay, I feel like I went through what straight people go through in two years. There are kindergarten crushes: “You’re cute.” Elementary school: “You’re special. I like you.” Middle school: “So, I’m Jarryd. You’re cute. We should like do something some time. You know – if you want to.” High school: “So we’ve known each other for a while. You’re cute. I’m cute. I like you, do you like me?”
Now I’m in the weird college world where everyone is a bit different with dating.
I think there is a reason most of the princes saving the Disney ladies aren’t distinguishable. It keeps us open to the unexpected. We’re meant to experience the good and bad of our lives without waiting on someone else to come into it. Who is attracted to someone emitting the smell of desperate or screaming, “HI! You’re hot and smart! I’VE BEEN LOOKING TO DATE SOMEONE FOR AWHILE!” The guy will simply come into your life and the chemistry will be there. Romances don’t heal all of our wounds and feelings of loneliness. Simply being loved by others heals your wounds. We heal that feeling of loneliness by becoming comfortable with ourselves.
I think I still have this fairy tale syndrome but it’s matured. There really is a prince. There are many princes. His passion could be theatre, law, communications or something I don’t understand until he takes one long evening to explain it. We could have an instant spark or a slow building fire. We may not even remember how we met. He could have a quality that I instantly find annoying or we never really have a first date. It just happened.
Fairy tales come in many forms. Let’s be open to that and write some amazing pages for ourselves before the prince enters. It could be awhile.
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What’s your downfall with dating?
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