We consider ourselves to be independent beings. Post job: “I’m fine. Now I’m able to hang out with y’all more” Perpetually single: “I have so much free time and it’s great! I get to do what I want to do. I’m able to sit in my bed and get crumbs everywhere.” However, the hope of opportunities makes us dependent again. It makes me dependent again.
All of a sudden that text I sent about hanging out has so much more power than before. We want to block off our schedule for what may potentially happen, while losing awareness of what is happening. The reality.
Hope isn’t a bad thing. It’s what makes life exciting – potential jobs, moving, dates, a new movie with your favorite actor. But even when I think I’m discovering myself, I realize that it’s so easy for me to lose myself in new situations. I’m wondering the difference between compromising and compromising who I am.
When do I go with the flow and when do I change course?
It may simply be trial and error. Being independent may mean being willing to make mistakes. Hope possibly ignites knowing there is a lesson to learn.
It’s all unsure. We’re left unsure. I’m unsure. Independence may be being unsure but moving forward anyway.
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