Back to Yesterday

I thought about today so many times. The day my first love would get married.

Throughout college as I came to truly embrace my sexuality and date, I didn’t know when gay marriage would become a focal point for my home state, but I knew one day it would happen.

\While same-sex marriage was obviously a priority for me, it was more of a priority for the guy I feel in love with in high school. He was committed to someone. While I didn’t feel I wanted to be with him anymore, the moments I missed him made me dread the idea it would all be over officially for me and him to ever have the chance to be together.

Last year as Florida started to see same sex-marriage become a true possibility, I wondered how long it would take for him to marry the love of his life, as I was single.

Today is the first day marriage is legal for Florida same-sex couples. This morning I woke up to a text from my friend asking, “So is (insert name) getting married today…”

I thought, “I guess he is,” and Facebook confirmed it as the first post I see.

I thought I would be sad today or at least 17 year old me would sad. Yet when I woke up, I didn’t want to feel sad. I didn’t feel sad. I don’t feel sad.

At one time, I fell in love. I hoped. I dreamed. I cried. I hoped again. I forgot. I remembered. I hoped again. Then I lost those feelings for good. One day we wake up and realize those feelings aren’t ours anymore.

Teenage me is different from 22-year-old me. 17-year-old me fell in love with someone. But 22-year-old me experienced life. He found himself.

What you expect to be one of your saddest days can actually be a happy day. “I can’t go back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”

Congratulations to all the couples now able to celebrate their love!

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