Days like yesterday I feel everything coming at me at once. By the end of the day, I feel upset on so many levels. I was sad, mad, confused, worried, and scared. Something goes wrong in all these areas of my life and I feel this pressure to solve it all and have this inner peace. I’m down at least one officer in a club I lead, I had to figure out my housing for next school which affects my daily schedule of getting to class and work on time, I felt so frustrated from teaching, and my family had a crisis.
With Campus Civitan at FSU, I feel this great responsibility and pressure for the club to succeed. I want it to become a well-known club but that takes a lot of work. I also want he club to be around for a long time so I’m trying to delegate and not take on most of the work. While I totally understand the officer’s need to not continue this next year in that position, my mind starts racing with what to do and how this will impact the club. I fear failure a year from now. I believe in this organization but I worry that everything won’t come together.
My decision not to go to school in Boston and to change schools last-minute still haunts me with the FSU Housing department. I never get what I originally want, so I play a game of back and forth. After being reassigned back into the residence hall I lived last semester, they emailed me a few weeks ago saying they have spots open for men in the apartment style and townhouse style halls. Also if I emailed back in the next three days I would get a spot. I deduced I would able to get into the apartment style one especially because I replied back within a few hours of getting the email. It would be more expensive but I would save money on a meal plan along with being greatly located on campus for classes and getting to work. Yesterday housing called me saying how the only spots open are in the townhouse which are on the other side of campus, price wise between last year’s hall and the apartment, and I would have to share a room versus having my own room in the apartment. This was a new stress of what will be best to do when I won’t really know until I’m already living in one of them.
My 8-12 year old students, that I teach as part of a summer Kids’ College, frustrate me half of the time lately. Some of them are amazing writers for their age and I never have to worry about them unless it is how to spell something or to edit their story. A few of the students require so much energy from me to get them to focus, to be imaginative, to not disturb the rest of the class and really just to tap into their potential. I know it is their summer but since they are here, I want them to explore their creative side through writing. I want to positively impact them and some of them just fight me on bringing a nice quality story together. It discouraged me and brought my energy down.
My family had a horrible incident happen to it and as I watched my mom emotionally react and know how it could potentially impact by grandmother, I just felt worry. I want to do more but I can’t. I want everything to be fine and to be able to promise that things will be okay. . . In good conscience though, I could not. When I wanted to be able to do more, I couldn’t.
Some days we are hit extremely hard at no cause of our own. We need to start getting back up but we want to lay there for now, taking in what has happened, a little worn down, feeling a little defeated. . .
I hope you have enjoyed this post! Feel free to comment, email me, or ask me questions anonymously at http://formspring.com/jarrydboyd.
This song came to mind as I wrote this: