The Verge

My clothes slowly start to fill my bag as I pack for my first trip to New York City. As I left my Pride board meeting I started to realize how much I’ll miss these people I work with in being gone just a week. I feel overcome with awe by the fact I’m on the verge of change with possibly dating, definitely housing, and what the school year’s end will bring professionally and with friendships.

I think the most difficult thing about dating when you’re newly interested in someone is the uncertainty of what page they‘re on. “Was that a date or was it hanging out? I liked them. Did they like me?” And your friends give you all the advice you could and don’t ask for. It confuses you. You’ve been here before with others and obviously those times didn’t go well, because you’re back at the verge once again. How do you get past that verge?

In college moving has become a twice a year event as I go from my summer apartment to place during the school year. And repeat. I love the fresh start of being in a new space, but it’s also sad to be leaving this place that became home – plus anxiety of new people to live with. There is always the verge of figuring out the new dynamic. “How will I decorate this place? Who buys what? For the love of everything, please be clean, so I don’t become passive aggressive.” And with a move to the new place usually comes friends graduating and moving away. 

New York City is just a concept to me. I’ve heard things, seen pictures and shows, and have been told stories, but it’s not real to me yet. As I said in “It’s My New York,” Boston calls me. However, I know NYC will change my perspective on the opportunities available. While it’s exciting, it’s also a little terrifying to know I’m on the verge of something that will change me. It’ll develop me.

The only thing I believe I can do while on the verge of these new experiences and opportunities is look forward to them and go with the flow. I can’t feel inexperienced or afraid of the past repeating. I shouldn’t question the inevitably good, but instead open my arms and say, “I’m ready. Let’s do this.” And with a touch of bold.

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