To love and be loved, is that what we all want? Most of my blog posts have barely scratched over the surface of my romantic/dating life for the reason we can all assume, but now I think it is time to cover this unknown part of my life. The past helps us understand the present and the present gives us our hopes for the future so I will start where it all began.
I believe it is possible to love someone and to be in love with someone. When you’re in love with someone you imagine a future with that person, not a day goes by that you don’t think about them, and in many ways, their happiness means as much as your happiness. When I was in high school I experienced my first love with “Allen”. I am using the name Allen instead of his real name to protect him from being Facebook stalked at this exact moment. Allen and I had many things in common when it came to our extracurricular activities but more importantly to me, he had this drive about him that I never really saw in anyone else. He was honest and open with me and behind a seemingly well put together person, there were insecurities he opened up to me about. All of this was so similar to me. We became really good friends and while we loved each other, we never physically dated. I wanted to but he never wanted to take that risk of us dating and then something going wrong and he lost me as a friend. There was always a part of me that hoped he would realize the risk is worth the reward. At one time I would have risked it all for us to work out and came out way before I was truly ready but I knew we could fit well together. We had great aspirations, a love of life, he made me want to be more open about my life, we talked all the time, and we just had this amazing friendship that I thought was definitely a great foundation for more. I even met part of his family. A friend of mine, “Jane” knew about him and she always had this hope we would work. Well Allen and I’s friendship that was really an emotional relationship taught me a lot about loving someone. We had our ups and downs when it came to each other, choices we made, his boyfriends but the feelings were always there. I love(d) him. I know now I’m not in love with him. He and I have grown up a lot and there came a time when I was happy we didn’t date because we still had lessons to learn. With Allen, I still wish him all the happiness in the world but I don’t believe in that dream of there ever being an us anymore. I told Jane this recently and she couldn’t believe it. In her book, you never give up hope. I don’t think this was giving up hope as much as there are certain things out of your control and “a disappointment just means you have an appointment somewhere else” with someone else. 🙂
First loves, along with every person that follows, allow us the chance to learn what love is and isn’t. I am currently single with there not being a special someone in this chapter of my book but I believe in the that appointment somewhere off in the future My best friend Danielle and I joke that we are like Olivia and Elliot from Law & Order SVU. I am Danielle’s longest relationship with a guy and will she is my longest relationship with someone I loved because there is never a wavering moment where we don’t love each other. We fight like once a year but even then we say, I dont care if you’re mnad at me as long as you still love me. As a true Aries lover would have it, there were crushes this past school year but nothing transpired too far beyond that. While I do believe in dating someone you could potentially love, I don’t look for love because it comes to you. I am also not a person that looks for someone to hook up with. Dating to me is as simple as I’m attracted to you and are you attracted to me? However, we complicate it with wanting people to play hard to get or assuming that someone asking you out on date means they are asking for a relationship. I think any guy that I could potentially have something with will agree with the way of dating that involves us hanging out together and going on a date. Not the side of dating that involves us exchanging numbers after grinding at a club all night. While I am single, I am just enjoying life and having fun with my friends. I may have already met the next special guy in my life or he might be around the corner. All I know is that my romantic life is where it needs to be and will be where I want it at one day.
My future romantic life, we will say five years from now, will hopefully have my future life partner. While it is easier to fall in love with someone who is already successful and financially stable, I kind of want to go through those struggles in a small way with someone so that we grow together and have been there in the good and bad. I don’t want us to always agree because that’s boring and where is the passion in that but I want the basics in harmony. In the end, I hope to find a guy who is proud to be with me and I am proud to be with him. One who accepts me for who I am and everything I come with whether it be the bursts of energy me, the me who needs quiet during certain shows unless it’s a commercial, the me who is usually pretty happy and is sometimes sad, and the me who believes that “All of our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.”
I hope you have enjoyed this post! Feel free to comment, email me, or ask me questions anonymously at http://formspring.com/jarrydboyd.
****originally published June 12, 2011. Revised June 22, 2011