My Lips Were Shaking

A year ago I was definitely in my end of freshman year mentality. I didn’t see myself as cute. I didn’t understand the public relations world well and I was lost in certain ways.

I didn’t even make it to the Live with Kelly semi-finalist level and it hurt. No matter how farfetched something is, when you prepare for it and give it your all, you think the odds are on your side. When I saw that semi-finalist gallery and I wasn’t in it, that feeling of not being good enough definitely sunk in. It’s this slap that made me think “You need to learn there is an order to how things work in life. You have to work hard and only by working hard after many years will you reach something like this.” But what wasn’t lacking was a lot of support and belief. Not the type of feedback equal to being rejected from a date: “Oh their loss. . .” but the great feedback of “They missed out and honestly here is five reasons why you shouldn’t have even considered that person and why they won’t deserve you.” It helped make me feel better.

What a lot of people don’t realize is that the reason I’m a striver and take opportunities so seriously is because from childhood I knew I had to make a life better for myself than my mother was capable of having herself and giving me. That her hard work and sacrifices cannot be in vain. I can’t waste the fact that my mom worked full-time as a single parent to pay for me to go private school for elementary school, so I could be ahead.  There is no going home for a year after college and just taking my sweet time finding a job or racking up debt throughout college on frivolous things. I’m self-sufficient in all means and I know that I don’t have the luxury of treating time like it’s a dress rehearsal. I have a fear of not succeeding in the long term.

Last Wednesday I was promoted to Operations Manager at work. My lips were shaking during the announcement in front of the PR department. I felt a nervousness and excitement. Dazed.  But also the sensation of knowing I have a lot to learn. After this settled in my mind, honor and amazement flowed throughout me at the trust being instilled in me. The gravity of what this new position signifies has hit me in many ways and I feel blessed. Truly blessed! But I know what this signifies for me won’t even hit me until I’m a lot older. The Operations Manager of a PR department at 20 years old. Who would have imagined!

My family never answers their phones when I actually have interesting things to talk about. However when I finally talked my maternal grandmother and mom, the pride I heard when I told them about my promotion validated I’m on my right path in life. When I can tell them some news and hear how happy they are for me, I trust I’m doing the right thing. That I’m advancing based off everything they inspired in me and the life I want to have.

This summer of me is unfolding in magnificent ways I couldn’t imagine. I feel truly blessed for the surprise opportunities that unfold. The flow surrounding me is unreal.

I didn’t imagine the blessings. I couldn’t imagine the blessings. I can’t imagine the blessings that present themselves.

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I hope you enjoyed this post! Feel free to comment or follow me on Twitter @JarrydK.

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