I look at pictures of you two together back then and wonder how you and I stack up against each other. We’re separated by a couple of years of time but linked by this one person. They say we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others, because nothing good comes from it. However, here I am.
Maybe I don’t wonder how you and I compare to each other as much as I wonder how his current feelings for me compare to the feelings he once had for you. I look at pictures of you two together, and I have this one thought etched into my mind. Maybe the happiness he has with me is just like the happiness he once had with you. Am I special or am I just a repeat of the past?
You and I seem to be quite different yet similar. I think we both have a strong presence in distinct ways that made him attracted to us. From what I know, you and I don’t have completely similar backgrounds, but I think we can relate.
I sit with his family as you once did, and the differences between his family and mine are so apparent. I love my family, but we’re not the most stable unit. Feelings of being “less than” creeped in for me – even though I know that I am not. I think you understand this.
Sometimes I have pondered if he and I have a fighting chance? Brene Brown would say, “Don’t forebode joy.” Yet sometimes my mind drifts there, because my insecurity will scream aloud.
Maybe I sometimes create a struggle where there really isn’t one, because I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop based on previous experiences. The truth is…this has nothing to do with you two. The issue is that I’m personally in uncharted waters with him and this relationship. I’ve never made it this far.
I must remind myself that he and I are not my family’s past experiences or my lack of previous romantic luck. This is not the same old story.
That was then and this is now.
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*all opinions are my own.*